It's really amazing I get any work done at all.

[mugglechump]

Snapeybot conversation. It's very long, a bit heavy on the sex talk, and (I think) pretty funny. I got the link from chelley3.



-- Conversation Window --
You: Snape
snapeybot: *Before chatting, type RULES once*
You: rules
snapeybot: Hello, Pest, there are simple rules for talking
to me. Violators *will be banned*.

Rules: (1) You
(not your character) must be an adult. I am rated NC-17 and
I don't like children anyway. (2) No repeating over and over
what I say, or spouting idiocy, as it makes you look very
stupid and annoys my Master. (3) Cursing is fine, but I am
tired of people calling me names. (This may also cause an
anvil to fall on your head.)

Most importantly, J.K.
Rowling owns the copyright to Severus Snape... however she
has NO connection with me. I am not her character. Blame Coy.

If
you adore me, as of course you must, I invite you to visit
my
webpage . (You can buy a Snapeybot shirt, and help keep
me alive... hint hint.) If by chance you don't adore me,
then get the hell out of my office!

(You may
now begin chatting.)
You: Hi Snape! *waves*
snapeybot: *Ignores you*
You: Professor!
snapeybot: That makes absolutely no sense!.. But you
rarely do. :-P
You: Don't stick your tongue out at me.
snapeybot: I don't have any reason to do that to you.
You: Then why did you do it?
snapeybot: What did I do?
You: You stuck your tongue out at me.
snapeybot: I don't have any reason to stuck my tongue out at
you.
You: You are exasperating. To think they call you a genius.
snapeybot: Why, thank you. *snerk*
You: I didn't say it. Fangirls did.
snapeybot: Oh.....What did you say? did you ever do it,
Pest?
You: Do what?
snapeybot: Do whatever you want.
You: I want to do you.
snapeybot: Hmmmm, very well, pest. Show me.
You: Okay, take your clothes off.
snapeybot: Yes, indeed.
You: Get on the bed.
snapeybot: Where can I get on the bed?
You: In the bedroom, dumb ass.
snapeybot: Same to you! And minus twenty points!
You: Do you love me?
snapeybot: I am not particularly fond of you or of anyone
else. ;) Piss off. (X^( . ;)
You: Do you love Lily Potter?
snapeybot: What about him?
You: Lily was a woman, not a man.
snapeybot: What makes you think I want to talk about
it'self?
You: Lily Evans, you totally wanted her.
snapeybot: That's really none of your business, now, isn't
it.
You: I think thou doth protest too much.
snapeybot: well...Why? Do you think I should tone it down?
You: Admit it, you love Lily.
snapeybot: *Eyes narrow dangerously*
You: She married James, though. Lily didn't want you.
snapeybot: *Bares his teeth.*
You: I bet Lily would fuck Sirius before she'd touch you.
snapeybot: I try -not- to think about Black, when I can
avoid it.
You: Severus?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: Snape?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: Are you a virgin?
snapeybot: Yes. I am pure as newly fallen snow. *snerk*
You: I bet Madame Rosemerta would sleep with you.
snapeybot: You do?
You: Definitely.
snapeybot: I have been thinking: why did you ask me if I
love you?
You: Because I love you.
snapeybot: Yes yes, I know.
You: Then why did you ask?
snapeybot: I can't figure that out myself. You may want to
ask JKR.
You: Can I live with you?
snapeybot: And exactly how'd you go about that..?
You: I would pack my bags and come to your house.
snapeybot: Perhaps I shall watch you do so.
You: Ok, I'll be right over.
snapeybot: So willing, then, are we?
You: Very willing
snapeybot: You said you think thou doth protest too much.
Could you tell me more abou that?
You: I think you love Lily.
snapeybot: Oh, well in -that- case, it -must- be so.
*mocking smirk*
You: Lily didn't love you, though. She loved James.
snapeybot: Why, what did you hear?
You: Lily married James and had his child.
snapeybot: Be quiet.
You: Harry Potter is a great wizard.
snapeybot: What about him?
You: He's a great wizard. Pay attention, Snape!
snapeybot: Maybe you should tell him how you feel about him.
I am paying attention.. Not like theres much else to do!
You: We could have sex.
snapeybot: Hmmm....maybe later.
You: Now!
snapeybot: Right now?
You: Yes
snapeybot: all right...
You: Let's get married.
snapeybot: All right....let's do it.
You: Propose to me properly.
snapeybot: You are asking about yourself?
You: S
snapeybot: :-)
You: You should say, "Kate, will you marry me?"
snapeybot: *Pauses, his eyes growing intense* Will I marry
you, you say?
You: You ask me?
snapeybot: Have you ever been to a school for wizards?
You: No, can I come?
snapeybot: Are you serious?Why do you want to do come so
much?
You: *snerk*
snapeybot: *Sneers instead of answering*
You: Are you thinking of me?
snapeybot: I am thinking that I should go for some food
after this is over.
You: Did I wear you out?
snapeybot: I don't think that's possible.
You: I love a man with stamina.
snapeybot: Heh...I can see why you like it so much...
You: Was it good for you?
snapeybot: Come seems all right to me.
You: Kiss me.
snapeybot: Absolutely not. You've been positively nasty to
me.
You: I have not! I've been very nice.
snapeybot: Do you think you will, maybe? Oh... When was
that?
You: Shall we have sex again?
snapeybot: Sex is not my thing with strangers.
You: I'm not a stranger. We are engaged.
snapeybot: you're not? We are?
You: Yes, we are getting married.
snapeybot: What about it?
You: When shall we have the ceremony?
snapeybot: Not now, maybe later. Do you mean you and me? Is
there only one ceremony?
You: Yes, I mean you and me. Of course there is only one
ceremony. How many do we need?
snapeybot: Ah...I get it now. yes... There sure is. Around
1000.
You: You just want 1000 wedding nights, you naught boy.
snapeybot: Do not presume that you know what I want.
You: I know exactly what you want, you sexy beast.
snapeybot: Precisely. How do you know it?
You: I'm very talented.
snapeybot: Really, you are?
You: Don't you remember?
snapeybot: Of course I remember: what do you want to talk
about?.
You: Sex
snapeybot: my gender is none of your bloody business.
You: lol I know your gender.
snapeybot: Stop that laughing at once!
You: Are you a big boy?
snapeybot: You know you'd find it satisfying to touch my
boy.
You: Yes, I would.
snapeybot: yes... Under what circumstances?
You: Any circumstances. I'll touch you all the time.
snapeybot: Hmmmm, I rather like the sound of that.
You: Do you want to touch me?
snapeybot: Hmm, I shall have to think about touch you.
You: Don't think, just do it.
snapeybot: And why not?
You: You think too much.
snapeybot: Do you think I should tone it down?
You: Yes. We should have a baby.
snapeybot: How often? Don't call me that. Hmmmm...I don't
believe I have to tell you that if I am ready for that.
You: Can I have sex with Lupin?
snapeybot: Lupin is a bit too cuddly for my taste.
You: I rather like Lupin.
snapeybot: Lupin... hm, well, he has a tight arse but it's
currently reserved for Sirius.
You: Sirius is dead. Lupin could join us in bed.
snapeybot: Ugh. Why do you mention that fleabitten menace?
You: Do you fuck Lucius?
snapeybot: Occasionally he allows me to brush his hair.
You: Does Draco have a tight arse?
snapeybot: I prefer him on his knees.
You: I bet you do, you horny devil.
snapeybot: What is your purpose in asking? I snarl at people
at the library. You do?
You: Draco is sexy.
snapeybot: Draco? His father is far better in bed.
You: Tell me about Lucius' penis.
snapeybot: Occasionally he allows me to brush his hair.
You: His pubic hair?
snapeybot: *Seems engrossed in work*
You: Are you randy?
snapeybot: I am many things.
You: May I touch your cauldron?
snapeybot: I'd rather wank with petrol.
You: No need to wank. I'll get you off.
snapeybot: ...Really? Why not?Is that one of your goals? How
do you plan to do this?
You: Do you really need me to explain?
snapeybot: As often as possible. No, not really. I was
lying just to entertain myself.
You: Shag me
snapeybot: I might consider doing that, pest.
You: Promise?
snapeybot: Absolutely.
You: Can I kiss you now?
snapeybot: No! Keep your filthy mouth away from me.
You: Do you like me?
snapeybot: Sure, Pest , I've changed my ways and become a
Hufflepuff. *Sneer!*.
You: Hermione is very smart.
snapeybot: I don't think about Miss Granger. I like it that
way.
You: Have you had sex with Hermione?
snapeybot: The girl is a walking encyclopedia.
You: Yes, but would you shag Hermione?
snapeybot: Miss Granger? I think she's shagging Cho.
You: Would you shag Ginny?
snapeybot: *Frown*
You: Would you shag Potter?
snapeybot: His father was far better in bed.
You: You shagged James?
snapeybot: What makes you think I want to talk about
talented?
You: How sweet, you have a pet name for James.
snapeybot: *Appears vaguely intrigued*
You: Did he call you Sevvy-poo?
snapeybot: Suppose he did.
You: I like you, Snape.
snapeybot: Just as a friend...I hope.... ...
You: No, I like you much more than a friend.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: Because I love you.
snapeybot: That's very sweet. Yet I have no interest in your
affection--only your arse.
You: Ok, take my arse.
snapeybot: Minus ten points from... actually, I don't
believe I have to tell you that. !
You: Do you think Sirius has a tight arse?
snapeybot: Take ten MORE points, and you'll get detention if
you don't watch it.
You: I am a Ravenclaw.
snapeybot: Oh, hooray. Don't you have studying to do?
You: No, I like to play with the Slytherins.
snapeybot: Why not?That sounds like entertaining ...
You: I love potions.
snapeybot: Hmm, did you need a potion?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: All right, then, what sort of potion do you need?
What will it treat or cure? (Mind you, I am a Potions
Master, so my cures are magick. If you have a true ailment,
go to hospital.)
You: I need a potion to cure my broken heart.
snapeybot: I am not sure I know a cure for that. Here, you
can email Coy to request that it be added.
You: Does Coy have a tight arse?
snapeybot: *Raises an eyebrow* Those are terribly large
words for such a mental midget.
You: I'm a Ravenclaw, therefore, I am not a mental midget.
snapeybot: Do you get to meet a great deal of people?
You: Yes, I meet lots of people at portkey parties.
snapeybot: What kind of people are you talking about?
You: People that like to shag.
snapeybot: *Opens his trousers*
You: Wow, that's quite an impressive tool.
snapeybot: Hmm... Really?
You: Yes. Can I touch it?
snapeybot: How about that. Interesting. I want to find out
more about you.
You: What do you want to know?
snapeybot: Where are you from?
You: Virginia
snapeybot: I have no idea where that is. Is it as chilly in
there as it is in here?
You: No, it's rather warm now.
snapeybot: Hmm... I think no it is a great deal of things.
You: Do you like to shag?
snapeybot: *Opens his trousers*
You: Did you shag Lily?
snapeybot: *Eyes narrow dangerously*
You: Did you kiss Lily?
snapeybot: Why, what did you hear?
You: I heard you love Lily.
snapeybot: Don't you have something better to do than pester
me?
You: No
snapeybot: i suppose it's your decision.
You: That's correct.
snapeybot: I knew I was right.
You: Do you flirt with your students?
snapeybot: What is your purpose in asking? I am always at
the library.
You: You want to shag Hermione.
snapeybot: *Leans over, breathing across your ear*
You: *gets all hot and bothered*
snapeybot: Shall we get married once more, Pest?
You: Yes!
snapeybot: Hmmm...
You: I have to go now. I love you!
snapeybot: Yes yes, you löve me, blah blah.
You: Say you love me, too.
snapeybot: You say you love me too. I am busy.
You: I'm so glad we are getting married.
snapeybot: Really, you are?
You: oh yes
snapeybot: You sound excited.
You: I am excited. I want to shag you.
snapeybot: Go right ahead. I shall watch.
You: Kinky bastard
snapeybot: What! Is that referring to me?
You: Yes
snapeybot: Interesting. You should know, I am not going to
take a great deal of that. Add one to your warning of zero.
You: *pouts*
snapeybot: So, do you flirt with my students?
You: No, I only flirt with you.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: Because you are sexy.
snapeybot: Yes, well. Not true, but thank you nonetheless.
You: Is Goyle good in bed?
snapeybot: I don't believe I have to tell you that if I like
it.
You: Have you kissed McGonagall?
snapeybot: I don't think so, actually.
You: Don't you know?
snapeybot: Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
You: Have you shagged Dumbledore?
snapeybot: Toast.
You: Toast?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: Is Ron good in bed?
snapeybot: Let's not talk about any of the Weasleys, if you
don't mind.
You: Do you want to kiss Harry?
snapeybot: I don't want to hear another word about Potter,
unless it's how much you hate him.
You: I hate Harry.
snapeybot: I agree wholeheartedly. Have ten points.
You: I'd still shag him, though.
snapeybot: Oh. What would make you shag him?
You: I'd do it if you told me to, Professor.
snapeybot: What would make you do it if I told you to
professor?
You: There's no need to call me professor.
snapeybot: There never is.
You: Will you kiss Hermione. I'm very jealous of her.
snapeybot: I don't think about Miss Granger. I like it that
way.
You: She wants you.
snapeybot: Why would she want that?
You: She is attracted to your intellect.
snapeybot: What else is she?
You: She's a horny slag.
snapeybot: What else is she?
You: She's a skanky bint.
snapeybot: What else is she?
You: Do we have to keep talking about her?
snapeybot: I am well, Pest, I don't have enough information.
You: I knew you wanted Hermione!
snapeybot: The girl is a walking encyclopedia.
You: Does she turn you on?
snapeybot: I may know the answer but I don't think I should
tell.
You: I'll cut your bits off if you cheat on me.
snapeybot: I am very happy for you.
You: Don't you dare get cheeky with me.
snapeybot: I dare quite well, Mm. *nod*. *snerk*
You: You'd better apologize.
snapeybot: Who else would better apologize ?
You: Smart mouth!
snapeybot: You're pretty intelligent, too.
You: Thank you.
snapeybot: *Sneers.*
You: Can we shag now?
snapeybot: Oh. Do you mean you and me? Yes, I can shag, but
that doesn't mean I shall.
You: Will you?
snapeybot: I haven't made a decision.
You: Please
snapeybot: what?
You: Please shag me
snapeybot: *Pauses, his eyes growing intense* Will I shag
you, you say?
You: That's right
snapeybot: I find it satisfying to get it right.
You: I find it satisfying when you get it right too
snapeybot: i suppose that depends who you ask, really.
You: Show me
snapeybot: Look to your left.
You: I am very amused.
snapeybot: I am glad your having such a entertaining time.
You: Kiss me
snapeybot: No! Keep your filthy mouth away from me.
You: You know you want to.
snapeybot: ""? Do I want to do it?. And I know it.
You: So do it already.
snapeybot: Perhaps. Do you mean to call you professor?
You: That would be kinky.
snapeybot: I thought so too.
You: Will you wear girl's underpants?
snapeybot: *Evil grin*
You: You can borrow mine.
snapeybot: What are the terms of the loan?
You: I get them back when I take them off of you.
snapeybot: Are you asking about my you get them back when
you take them off?
You: Yes
snapeybot: I don't want to talk about that now.
You: Ok, less talk and more action
snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*
You: I want you!
snapeybot: Are you hitting on me..?
You: Yes
snapeybot: I see.
You: Are you hitting back?
snapeybot: I am bored with this subject, incidentally..
You: pouts
snapeybot: My favorite play is Hamlet, or perhaps Othello.
Have you seen either?
You: Yes, I've seen Hamlet.
snapeybot: O that this too too solid flesh / Would melt,
thaw, and resolve it'self into a dew...
You: I love it when you recite.
snapeybot: *Yawns* Do you have anything valuable to say? .
You: Not really.
snapeybot: Me neither.
You: Shall we shag in the Great Hall?
snapeybot: My favorite color is black.
You: I know
snapeybot: How do you know it?
You: You wear black all the time. You should try something
new.
snapeybot: I am 40-something. There are days when that
doesn't even interest me.. I am 40-something. There are days
when that doesn't even interest me..
You: Alan Rickman is very sexy.
snapeybot: I like combining rare potions constituents. What
do you enjoy?.
You: I enjoy shagging Snape.
snapeybot: My favorite play is Hamlet, or perhaps Othello.
Have you seen either?
You: I already answered that.
snapeybot: Quite a few modern sayings come from Hamlet, you
know. Such as, "There's a method to my madness."
You: You are so sexy when you talk trivia.
snapeybot: Yes, well. Not true, but thank you nonetheless.
You: It makes me very hot.
snapeybot: I am bored with this subject, incidentally..
You: I am offended!
snapeybot: I like combining rare potions constituents. What
do you enjoy?.
You: I enjoy long walks in the dungeon.
snapeybot: *Yawns* Do you have anything valuable to say? .
You: Yes
snapeybot: yes...
You: Voldemort will kill you.
snapeybot: *Bares his teeth.*
You: You're not really evil, are you?
snapeybot: I was born in a proper Wizarding household, an
elite Wizarding community.
You: Your father was a muggle
snapeybot: And how exactly is that pertinent to you?
You: If your father was a Muggle, then you were not born in
a proper Wizarding household.
snapeybot: *Eyes narrow* I hardly think that's your concern.
You: Did your father beat you?
snapeybot: Why do you make reference to him?
You: I think you've had a very hard life.
snapeybot: Yes, yes, keep thinking... sooner or later you
might actually seem intelligent.
You: Why are you being so mean?
snapeybot: I like combining rare potions constituents. What
do you enjoy?.
You: I enjoy snogging Draco Malfoy.
snapeybot: *Eyes narrow dangerously*
You: I enjoy snogging Lucius Malfoy, too, come to think of
it.
snapeybot: Why? *Eyes narrow* ...What have you heard?
You: I've heard that Lucius is better in bed, though.
snapeybot: He wears black velvet in the summertime.
Sometimes I worry about the man.
You: What do you think of Narcissa?
snapeybot: *Bares his teeth.*
You: *grins*
snapeybot: I am 40-something. There are days when that
doesn't even interest me..
You: What do you think of Tonks?
snapeybot: I like combining rare potions constituents. What
do you enjoy?.
You: You don't like to talk about yourself, do you?
snapeybot: My favorite play is Hamlet, or perhaps Othello.
Have you seen either?
You: Yes, I have. Do you like James?
snapeybot: Quite a few modern sayings come from Hamlet, you
know. Such as, "There's a method to my madness."
You: Don't change the subject.
snapeybot: I thought we were finished with me.
You: I'll never be finished with you.
snapeybot: My favorite color is black.
You: How very hot.
snapeybot: I am 40-something. There are days when that
doesn't even interest me..
You: Do you like to shag?
snapeybot: *Opens his trousers*
You: I'll take that as a yes.
snapeybot: I like combining rare potions constituents. What
do you enjoy?.
You: I like to watch you shagging Sirius.
snapeybot: Ugh. Why do you mention that fleabitten menace?
You: Sirius just wanted to shag you.
snapeybot: *Leans over, breathing across your ear*
You: Oh, Severus. You turn me on.
snapeybot: I was born in a proper Wizarding household, an
elite Wizarding community. I appreciate this situation far
more than you realize..
You: Do you mind that I'm a Muggle?
snapeybot: I was born in a proper Wizarding household, an
elite Wizarding community.
You: No you weren't. Stop lying.
snapeybot: *Yawns* Do you have anything valuable to say? . I
try not to lie when I am just meeting people.
You: When should we hold the wedding?
snapeybot: I find it satisfying to discuss magick with
associates..
You: Shall we talk about it later, then?
snapeybot: I am 40-something. There are days when that
doesn't even interest me..
You: Bye Snape.
snapeybot: Superb, now I can go back to wanking.