The rollercoaster of life

[mugglechump]

First, happy stuff! I got a package from Delaney and a card from Dawnie! Woo-hoo! Thank you so much for thinking of me, Delaney dear! Meredith asked if I was going to share with her, to which I replied, "I don't see your name on this box." *g* And thank you, Dawnie, for the card! I love mail. International mail is extremely fun. Did you two get mail from me?


It's fairly common knowledge around here that James and I are separated, but still sharing a house. We get along fine, so it's not a big hassle. I'm having some trouble adjusting to the way it's affecting our extended family relationships, though. People don't know how to deal with a broken marriage where the parties are still really close. As Becky said, "Normal people break up and never speak to each other again."

James' aunt sends out a calendar every year with all the family members' birthdays and anniversaries entered in it. She keeps addresses on her computer so she can just print out labels at Christmastime. She apparently didn't think to change ours before printing it. Instead, she just whited out the '& Mrs.' portion of 'Mr. & Mrs. James Wilson' on the label. Real subtle, lady. We're still married. We still LIVE together. It's not like I won't see that. Do you really need to be so ham-handed about it?

James' eldest niece, Jessica, was raised by her mom without her dad in the picture at all. Her mom (James' sister) passed away when Jessica was 15. Since then she's lived with James' other sister and her family. Over the years, Jessica's gone on vacation with us and spent a month with us the summer after she graduated high school. She's 23 now, and I've been her 'Aunt Kate' for nearly half her life. Jessica is getting married next April. I guess I just assumed I would be invited. Jess sent separate Christmas cards to me and James. Inside his, she wrote 'Hope to see you in April', and in mine she didn't mention her wedding at all.

I don't know. Becky thinks this is all the 'normal' way families handle divorces. Maybe I'm just wired differently. I can't stop caring about people I've loved as family for over a decade just because I'm not going to be married to their blood relation anymore. That just seems wrong. It feels wrong. And it's really painful to think that I've meant so little to them that they can just erase me from their lives like that. It hurts and I hate it.

Comments

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

My family's weird. My aunt Vivian? Hasn't been married to my (now deceased) uncle sine I was 2 or so.

[mugglechump.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only weird one. :)

[crazy-lil-loud1.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I don't understand it personally. When you get married you get married to the family-- you aren't divorcing from the full family-- I am sure that you still love everyone and that this is just retarded. *hugs*

You are invited to my wedding.. in the year... 3285

[mugglechump.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie. I'll be there!

[crazy-lil-loud1.livejournal.com]

YAY! KATE IS COMING TO MY WEDDING!
Be sure to FIND and BRING me the groom k?

[dragonsangel68.livejournal.com]

It's horrid how some families just cut off the non-related party *huggles*

[mugglechump.livejournal.com]

*huggles back*

This whole breaking-up thing is really a pain in the rear. *sigh*

[water-jade.livejournal.com]

Me? Did I? No, no mail here... I think the West coast has Christmas gift delivering issues. Too isolated, or something.

And I think the family is just overreacting to the separation. They don't want to erase you, but they don't want to offend you, either. So they think that whiting things out and not mentioning weddings is their way of a middle ground. *hugs* It will work out. I love you.

[mugglechump.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* I love you, too, dear. Thank you.

I saw that you received the package at long last! Hooray for non-lost mail!

[empressvesica.livejournal.com]

That really stinks...If only everyone else could handle it as well as you all have. But maybe they feel like there are sides and they should be on one. Odd...

[mugglechump.livejournal.com]

Maybe. It's all very... blergh.

[castoffstarter.livejournal.com]

I think that most likely the family doesn't know how to handle the situation and doesn't want James to think that they've picked your "side" so they are trying to show, I don't know, familial solidarity? If it bothers you, which it should, then I think you should talk to James about it. If he doesn't do/say anything to the rest of the family, then maybe you could approach the patriarch/matriarch and try to get them to understand, and maybe consequently, pass the message along to the rest of them that A) you still love them all and, B) that you aren't going anywhere just because James and you didn't work out.

Just my 2 cents! *hugs*

[mugglechump.livejournal.com]

Thank you, G-B. I may talk to James. Since a) he's never been very close to my family, and b) my family isn't doing that sort of thing, I don't think he really understands how upsetting it can be.

*hugs*

Love you.